I hope you’re doing well? If you follow my LDR Instagram @211_miles then you’ll know that I have spent the past week with Haydn. Over the bank holiday weekend Haydn travelled down to Bournemouth and then on Monday we travelled back to Leeds together for the rest of the week.
It’s easy to sugar coat the realities of the relationship, after all we do take some cute pictures together and share some very romantic moments. But let’s be real, the majority of our time is spent apart. I would just like to clarify that I don’t have any regrets about my relationship with Haydn, I don’t doubt that he’s my soulmate. Besides all the lonely nights spent apart there is one other moment in every LDR that is shared but rarely discussed; what it feels like at the end of a visit when you or your partner travels home. I thought I would share my experience(s) and some advice for dealing with these emotions. Also in this post I’ll add in some pictures of Haydn and me from our time together.
Before I get into the post I just wanted to remind you that its the last day to enter my giveaway! I’m celebrating hitting 250 followers, so if you’d like to enter go to this POST! I’ll be announcing the winner by Sunday!
The first time I met Haydn I didn’t even consider what it would feel like when he left. We woke up that morning – my mum let me stay at his hotel for the last night – and I already had a knot in my throat, I was quiet and down. I held in tears fairly well, Haydn wiped a few away but the rest I managed to hold in until I turned my back on the train station and walked away. It wasn’t an emotion I had ever experienced before and it was awful. Even though this was the start of our relationship it felt like I was going through a breakup. That’s the only realistic way I can manage to describe it. It’s that pain of being alone and knowing that when you walk forward their hand won’t be in yours anymore.
Skip 14 months forward and I still get the same emotions. We’ve done the goodbyes 19 times now and I feel like whilst I haven’t managed to stop the tears I have found ways to cheer myself up. Whether you’re the one travelling or the one who has to go back to an empty room it hurts. For me, it’s worse being the one going home to an empty room as once you get there you are isolated and free to let your emotions out whereas on a coach surround by spectators I try and hold it in so people don’t stare at me like I’m crazy.
The first few times we said our goodbyes I was cautious about hugging and kissing Haydn in public as I didn’t want to be that cringey couple, now I let our last few minutes together play out the exact way I want them to – which usually means tight hugs with my head in Haydn’s chest. We lean over the barrier the separates pedestrians from coach boarders and have our last kiss. Haydn never says goodbye it’s always ‘see you soon’ or something to that effect.
On the last day don’t plan anything to adventurous, build in some time for relaxing in each others company even if that does mean just cuddling and being lazy. Be prepared to cry by not wearing heavy makeup if possible and keep some tissues with you ready for the few minutes when you are first separated. I had none the first time…
If you’re the one who’s going back to an empty room then get into some pyjamas or clothes from your boyfriend/girlfriend and put a comedy on or watch some YouTube. Don’t try and do anything particularly extravagant. The exception to that is if your friends and family are supportive then you might benefit from being in their company. Usually I just prefer to be alone and let myself be sad. Being sad isn’t a bad thing, in this experience it’s very very okay to feel this way. Holding it in means you won’t be able to move forward and it’ll take longer to settle back into an everyday routine.
Travelling away from your love is easier in a sense, as I explained from my experiences, but it’s still going to hurt. I always put my headphones in and put on some upbeat music, usually chart music. Definitely avoid love songs or songs you share with your partner. I travel back by coach but I’m sure this can be applied to airports or any other type of travel, don’t look back. If you look back at them once you go past the point, where you can have one more cuddle this will make your heart squeeze.
Something you can try together is discussing plans for future visits or what you’d like to do next time your together. Whether that’s way way in the future like when you move in together or in a few months time when you get your next visit. Try to always have an idea of when you’ll next see each other so that you’re not walking away blind.
Leave me a comment telling me your last day advice or tips.