I hope you are doing well? I’m not dead! I know I’ve not posted in over a week but the pressure of exams finally hit me and I’ve been studying my butt off, plus I enjoyed another weekend with my boyfriend, Haydn so really I have been busy. BUT – I thought I would share another LDR advice post with you as on my couple’s Insta account (@211_miles) a lot of people said they would like to see more posts about Haydn and I. I figured this style of post is perfect as it’s advice which I love writing and will help you better understand us which you guys seem interested in. Okay… Long intro aside let’s get into this!
When you initially tell people you’re in a long distance relationship the default response seems to be ‘I could never do that’ of ‘how do you do that’. In my case and this will likely apply to many of you, I never actually planned on getting into an LDR. When you meet someone online – which is becoming increasingly common, although I’m sure some eyebrows will be raised – your first thought probably isn’t ‘wow I’m in love with them’. You get to know each other, develop feelings and eventually decide to give long distance a try. Truth is most LDR couples will feel at one point or another as though they ‘can’t do it’ or question ‘is it worth it’; well if you’re with the right person making it work is the ONLY option, so you find a way.
For us we’ve always been lucky, things just seem to make sense and work out. For example this time two years ago we were about 2 weeks away from our first meeting but we didn’t even know it was going to happen, it was almost spontaneous and really just so unexpected. Of course that doesn’t mean we haven’t been through some struggles and have never had to work hard at our relationship, I just mean in relativity of LDR couple’s I consider ourselves pretty lucky ones.
A key thing that I feel has helped us get through when the relationship becomes difficult is looking forward to our next ‘one day’. This has always been the term we’ve used to look forward to a specific day and as our relationship has grown this ‘one day’ has grown with us. In the beginning our ‘one day’ was simply the first day we would meet, most recently our ‘one day’ is closing the distance and moving in together (about 14 weeks left now!!). Might sound cheesy and I guess really it is but we spend so long talking about our ‘one day’ and when things get difficult I keep that memory in my mind and let my brain endless fantasize what it will be like. A lot of people will use looking to the future as a coping mechanism but for me (and I assume Haydn) focusing in on one specific day really helps.
A long distance relationship is tough and even looking forward to the ‘one day’s’ doesn’t sugar coat the fact that you’ll spend countless nights apart, unable to sleep because they’re not beside you or having your heart strings pulled every time you see another cute couple because you wish that was you. For me a lot of making a long distance relationship work has been allowing myself to change, the in-between visits are the hardest and even though now the journey feels short I really feel I’ve changed a lot. A long distance relationship becomes serious much quicker than the average relationship and at my age (18, 16 when I first started my LDR) it’s hard to be taken seriously. Trust me, people have doubted my relationship hundreds of times, I’ve been told to just ‘give up’ and to ‘find a boyfriend closer’ but non of that mattered to me. You have to accept that people might not accept it, particularly if you are young, but know that none of that matters because if you and your partner want to make it work then there is no reason why it can’t.
Over the last 2 years my long distance relationship has changed me. I feel mature in many ways that people around me seemingly aren’t, I understand love and what it is to be in love and more valuable than anything I know what it means to feel passionate. With a long distance relationship you learn as you go. When you first start out you might not have a clue how to make it work but then you get to know each other, learn their expectations and better understand your own. University maths genius Peter Backus calculated that our chances of finding love are just one in 285,000 so if you find someone that you feel passionate about hold them tight and make it work whatever way you can. I wish I could give you a step-by-step of making an LDR work but it’s impossible, you are unique, your partner is unique so a list of set rules just won’t work for everyone.
This probably didn’t take the approach you had thought but I really just let my mind wonder and spill across my keyboard. Maybe you’ll hate it and that’s okay. If one person reads this and enjoys it then I will be happy. I’ll try and upload more regularly but no promises so for now I’ll just say that I’ll see you soon.