Couples who put off making inevitable decisions experience prolonged stress and worry
Relationships are great, you’re making memories with the person you love but you will come across trials and tribulations throughout the relationship. No relationship is perfect, there will be things you don’t agree on but working through the hard times will make you stronger as a couple.
One factor that could result in arguments, hard times and even divorce, is when one or both of you are unable to cope with stress. Brookman International Family Lawyers conducted a survey of 1016 people in September, some answers having alarming results. 83% of those questioned had postponed an important and inevitable decision, with almost half saying that they put off their decision for more than 6 months. More alarmingly, 79% found putting off the decision extremely stressful, resulting in extended periods of emotional and physical strain on the body. This pressure was only eased after they had taken the plunge, with 74% stating that they felt relieved once the decision had been made. The survey also indicated that important decisions regarding jobs and relationships were the most common dilemmas, at 31% and 14% respectively. In addition, 64% had put off a decision because they felt it was ’not the right time’ to deal with it and a third had put off making a decision out of fear of upsetting their partner.
Communicating with your partner is essential for a successful relationship. A lack of communication is often quoted as the main frustration in couples who divorce. Put simply, your partner doesn’t know what’s wrong unless you tell them. Your partner is there for you, they will do anything to help you out or make you happy, you’ve just got to allow them to by speaking to them about worries. If, for example, you’re worried about work and want to try find a new job – let them know so they can support you. If you’re worried about money – voice your thoughts to them so they can reassure you.
It does become harder to confide in your partner when the decision that’s causing you stress is to do with your relationship… for example, wanting it to end. 14% of people said they put off ending their relationship, whether that was wanting to separate or ask for a divorce. This will cause both yourself and your partner a considerable amount of stress, guilt and confusion. Speaking to a close friend or family member about this situation will help you relieve your stress but is still not fair on your partner. If something is making you unhappy in the relationship that is due to them or their actions, you have to tell them. Perhaps this could give them a chance to amend it but if you’re adamant you want it to be over, let them go. Allow yourself to be happy and allow them to move on.
What’s clear is that stress isn’t good for anyone, whether that be mentally, emotionally or physically. It affects our mind and body as well as our relationships. It’s important to remember that just taking steps towards helping to make a decision is just as important as the decision itself, be it speaking to a therapist, or talking things through with a close friend. The results of the Brookman survey showed that 74% of people felt better once the decision was finalised, so helping to move towards that ultimate decision will make you feel less stressed, more in control and feel more positive about what lies ahead.
Brookman is a highly regarded specialist divorce and family law firm that advises clients in the UK and internationally. Brookman is ranked by the Legal 500 and has been awarded the Law Society’s quality mark, Lexcel. For more information, visit www.brookman.co.uk.
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