I hope you’re doing well? I promise I haven’t forgotten about this space – it’s been over a month since my last post! I’ve been using the last few months to focus on my first year of University, since classes are now finsihed until September I have plenty of time to come back to blogging. You’ll be hearing more from me very sson!
But for today’s post the very lovely Mary reached out to me and asked if she could write a guest post sharing her advice for Long Distance couples who meet entirely online! Keep reading for her seven tips!
Mary: Not so long ago, the idea of a long distance relationship was enough to make me weary. It just seemed too much work. Over time, with changing technology, connecting with people across boundaries seemed a bit less complicated. The idea of finding a forever love via online dating apps like Tinder, let alone a long distance internet relationship seemed a bit impossible to fathom.
And yet, here I was, counting down minutes until Nathan came online. He said he had a surprise and I couldn’t wait to know what it was.
Nathan and I had connected over LinkedIn over a project at work. While we lived a few continents apart, the time difference was fairly shorter. Over time we realized we shared a lot more in common than work stuff and we ended up meeting in person on his next visit to my city.
We got along pretty well and I realized I’d miss him when he left. The feeling seemed mutual and we continued our endless conversations despite the distance. The last time we met, we decided to give serious dating a shot. It has nearly been a year and things between us are stronger than ever.
Below are some things I think helped us stick through:
1. Syncing the schedule:
When we connected via work, the responsibility to sync our schedules were pretty much left to others but when things got personal, we had to ensure that our work, travel schedules and personal commitments did not interfere with our time together. This helped us to have unrushed, productive time together without the pressure.
2. Creative and consistent communication:
While talking daily wasn’t always an option, we at least shared a quick text if we were thinking of each other. We planned different activities we could do virtually like movie date nights where we watched the same movie while on a video chat, dared each other to try new things or shared some common favorite activities. While it didn’t really compensate for the physical presence, it did take off the sting a bit.
We also shared general highlights of the day. Nathan would sometimes leave me sweet and unexpected voice messages. We both sometimes sent each other physical and virtual gifts that almost always had an inside joke or message we shared that was just between us. It just made the experience more personal
3. Set timelines and expectations right:
We knew from the beginning the long-distance bit wouldn’t work for too long and at some point, we would have to take some serious calls. This helped us stay in the moment and actually focus on our time together rather than wonder where this was going. This also ensured that if things went south, there would be no bitterness.
4. Check in not checkup:
In the world of social media where every moment is easily recorded, it’s challenging to set boundaries. There is a fine line between inquisitiveness and intrusion and crossing it would mean an early end to a potentially beautiful relationship. Neither of us really obsessively tracked each other’s profiles and neither did we try to create unnecessary stress or tension within our relationship by actively avoiding situations we knew would upset each other.
5. Actively avoid toxic behaviors
Insecurity only leads to unhealthy relationship behaviors and if either of us crossed a line we did communicate that clearly to each other and then work on a healthier outlook to things. This sort of absolute frankness has pretty much neutralized the toxic behavior that could be a result of unnecessary awkwardness and has built a strong ability to trust each other. With the acceptance of the fact that there is going to be honest communication between us, and that we would never intentionally hurt each other, all the unnecessary drama that accompanies the doubt is easily avoided.
6. Be prepared for things to go wrong
Despite all the care, concern, planning and good intentions, the distance did take its toll sometimes. There were spurts of irrational expectations that didn’t always end well. We also had our share of fights but we since we were very clear about our affection towards each other we also managed to treat these negative moments as just that, a moment of indiscretion and learned to apologize and move on. Focusing on the positive and letting the negative go after appropriate acknowledgment played an important role in making Nathan and my relationship last.
7. Make the most of alone time
In a new relationship, one sometimes tends to distance away from the other relationships to focus on the current romantic one. The best way to distract oneself from the blues that accompany the long distance relationship. I literally indulged my blues away with days at the spa, exploring new activities and spending memorable moments with friends and family.
Turns out, Nathan had applied for a transfer within my city and that had just come true. While we did survive the ups and downs of the long-distance relationship, I was getting rather impatient quite frequently and really needed him to be closer. I do look forward to this next and new exciting phase in our relationship.
Thanks for reading guys, if you have enjoyed Mary’s guest post be sure to like this post and comment below your own personal favourite tip for LDR success.
** The photos within this article are Copyright free and can be found on Pxhere